Chat Jokes please

UsefulIdiot

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Time for some humor. I am not that funny but I will start, please add your own jokes.

Bob finds the one MP in his neighborhood that is still open during the pandemic. There other men there and he has to wait an hour for service. The MPA tells him FS is $200 for HH. Bob protests, but the MPA will not lower the price. Reluctantly Bob agrees and pays the $200 up front. The MPA leaves the room with the cash and comes back a few minutes later to find Bob masturbating furiously. "What hell are you doing" yells the MPA, to which Bob replies "For $200 you ain't getting the easy one!".
 
ok here

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of
how the store operates.

"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the value
of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the
Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door
Reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks,
'But I want more.'

So she continues upward.
The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are
Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
โ€‹

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.


She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor Number 31,456,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor.
This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.
Thank you for shopping at The Husband Store.


PLEASE NOTE:


To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a
New Wives Store just across the street.


The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex, have their own money and like beer.โ€‹


The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.


is mine
 
another one to make your day

Why Golf Is Better Than Sex

10. A below par performance is considered damn good.

9. You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.

8. It's much easier to find the sweet spot.

7. Foursomes are encouraged.

6. You can still make money doing it as a senior.

5. Three times a day is possible.

4. Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.

3. If you live in Florida, you can do it almost everyday.

2. You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.
And the number one reason why golf is better than sex ..


1. If your equipment gets old and rusty, you can replace it.
 
Time for some humor. I am not that funny but I will start, please add your own jokes.

Bob finds the one MP in his neighborhood that is still open during the pandemic. There other men there and he has to wait an hour for service. The MPA tells him FS is $200 for HH. Bob protests, but the MPA will not lower the price. Reluctantly Bob agrees and pays the $200 up front. The MPA leaves the room with the cash and comes back a few minutes later to find Bob masturbating furiously. "What hell are you doing" yells the MPA, to which Bob replies "For $200 you ain't getting the easy one!".
Have shared this before -

Went to an MPA the other day. Asked her if i was the only 1 she'd been with?
She said yes, all the others were 9 or 10's.
Ha Ha and Happy Hunting!
 
One more. No toilet paper needed.

Screenshot_20200319-103147_Facebook.jpg
 
when I first read this I thought it said penis broken
That's the joke there, Dingus


An old man is met by his attorney, and is told he is going to be audited. He rides to the IRS office with his attorney, and when he gets there, he begins to talk with the IRS agent. "I bet $2,000 I can bite my own eye!" The IRS agent agrees to the bet, believing it an impossible task. The old man laughs, pulls out his glass eye, and bites it. The IRS agent is dumbfounded. The old man bets $3,000 he can bite his other eye. The IRS agent knows there's no way possible to do this, so he once more agrees. The old man cackles, pulls out his dentures, and bites his eye. Then the old man finally wagers, "I bet $20,000 I can stand on the far side of your desk, pee over the desk, and get it into your wastebasket, without missing a single drop." The agent knows he won't be able to, so once more he agrees. The old man indeed misses, peeing all over the desk, and on the paperwork. The IRS agent jumps for joy, but then notices the attorney over in the corner moaning. "Are you all right?" asks the agent. "No! On the way over here, he bet me $400,000 he could pee on your desk and you'd be happy about it!"
Sent from my SM-G960W using Tapatalk
 
Life is not that bad people. Turn down the volume on the panic machine. How many people do you know that are sick from this? How many people do you know that have died from this thing? Put it all in perspective. You guys have a good life in a good country. I have lived in much worse countries then this during good times. never mind Canada during this time.
 
That's the joke there, Dingus


An old man is met by his attorney, and is told he is going to be audited. He rides to the IRS office with his attorney, and when he gets there, he begins to talk with the IRS agent. "I bet $2,000 I can bite my own eye!" The IRS agent agrees to the bet, believing it an impossible task. The old man laughs, pulls out his glass eye, and bites it. The IRS agent is dumbfounded. The old man bets $3,000 he can bite his other eye. The IRS agent knows there's no way possible to do this, so he once more agrees. The old man cackles, pulls out his dentures, and bites his eye. Then the old man finally wagers, "I bet $20,000 I can stand on the far side of your desk, pee over the desk, and get it into your wastebasket, without missing a single drop." The agent knows he won't be able to, so once more he agrees. The old man indeed misses, peeing all over the desk, and on the paperwork. The IRS agent jumps for joy, but then notices the attorney over in the corner moaning. "Are you all right?" asks the agent. "No! On the way over here, he bet me $400,000 he could pee on your desk and you'd be happy about it!"
Sent from my SM-G960W using Tapatalk

Lol. i actually laughed out loud
 
After picking her son up from school one day, the mother asks him what he did at school. The kid replies, "I had sex with my teacher." She gets so mad that when they get home, she orders him to go straight to his room. When the father returns home that evening, the mother angrily tells him the news of what their son had done. As the father hears the news, a huge grin spreads across his face. He walks to his son's room and asks him what happened at school, the son tells him, "I had sex with my teacher." The father tells the boy that he is so proud of him, and he is going to reward him with the bike he has been asking for. On the way to the store, the dad asks his son if he would like to ride his new bike home. His son responds, "No thanks Dad, my ass still hurts."
 
Some old dude told me he took a Viagara pill once. He ended up with a stiff neck all weekend.
 
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    Hey! Where have you been? Today (Wednesday), our amazing attendants are Carla โ€, Cici ๐Ÿ˜, Opal ๐Ÿคฉ, Sandy ๐Ÿค— and Yoyo ๐Ÿ˜. Call us at โ˜Ž๏ธ (905) 479-6668 โ˜Ž๏ธ to book your favourite and head on over to 7665 Kennedy Road, Unit 4, Markham!
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  26. DareDevil:
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  27. Lulu_Villa_Spa:
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  28. Sunrise Relaxation(416)916-7276:
    Tomorrow@Sunrise Relaxation Downtown: Tiffany, Vivian and Kitty will be on shift. Call (416)500-0921 for detail schedule and insight info
  29. EMSpa_schedule:
    Tomorrow's sneak peek: On Wednesday May 28, 2025, our attendants will be Carla ๐Ÿ’‹, Cici ๐Ÿคฉ, Opal ๐Ÿคฉ, Sandy ๐Ÿ˜ and Yoyo ๐Ÿฅฐ. Call us at โ˜Ž๏ธ(905) 479-6668โ˜Ž๏ธ to book!
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    โœจClick on our Username and FOLLOW US for updates and special services ! โœ… Click Here Today๐ŸŒธSusan๐ŸŒธLuna๐ŸŒธXuka๐ŸŒธLynda๐ŸŒธBrandy Call us โ˜Ž 905 - 265 - 2158โ˜Ž๏ธ Your ultimate service awaits! โœจ
  36. SL East Spa:
    ๐Ÿ’†โ€โ™€๐Ÿ’–Tuesday ๐Ÿ’œ Ultimate destination for Asian massages๐ŸŽ‰ Two fab spots: SL Richmond Hill & SL West Oakvilleโœจ Your passport to paradise with 10 enchanting girls fr China, HK, Japan & Korea โ€” ๐Ÿ†• Aliyah, Lucy, Cindy, Yui, new Jojo, Coco, Cici, busty Amber, Kelly & Jasmine โ€” ready to pamper you๐ŸŽ๐Ÿ Ring us ๐Ÿ“ž647-695-6354 or text us ๐Ÿ“ฑ647-578-8169โœจ 160 East Beaver Cr., Unit 12, RichmondHill ๐Ÿ’ฐWhere Eastern charm meets Western comfort - your bliss awai
  37. SpringGreen.:
    Apple off your weeked with a bang๏ผ Judy is at spring green in downtown toronto Tuesday from 9am-9pm with apple and coco. apple is a very beautiful andcaring young lady๏ผkitty is super hot.๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’‹647-891-0699 ask and text questions thanks๐Ÿ’‹๐Ÿ’‹
  38. wilson holistic centre:
    new girl works at ๐Ÿ’‹535 Evans Ave today ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•โ˜Ž๏ธโ˜Ž๏ธ416-531-6969โ˜Ž๏ธโ˜Ž๏ธ
  39. Spa in Markham:
    GOLDEN FS โ€“ 8380 Kennedy Rd ๐Ÿ“ž 905-258-0777 / 416-688-6886 ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฌ CANDY, ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡บ VANESSA, ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ด MEGAN (2AM), ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ JULIE (8PM) ๐Ÿ”Ž View Schedule: bit.ly/flowers_schedule ๐Ÿ›Ž๏ธ Booking Now: bit.ly/bookinggoldenlove
  40. FLOWER Spa - BLUEXADO | Thornhill | VAUGHAN:
    BLUEXADO FS โ€“ #06-1102 Centre St ๐Ÿ“ž 416-357-9797 / 416-678-8668 ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ CICI, ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ MY LINH, ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ AMY, ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ SHERRY ๐Ÿ”Ž View Schedule: bit.ly/flowers_schedule ๐Ÿ›Ž๏ธ Booking Now: bit.ly/bookingbluexadolove
  41. Red Rose Spa:
    ๐ŸŒธ We have 13 hot brown girls today ๐ŸŒธ MONICA, ASHA, MALIYA, MONIKA, ANGEL, MIMI, PREETI, ANGELINA, DIYA, PAYAL PEARL, KIRAN ๐ŸŒธ 2588 Birchmount ๐ŸŒธ 2 Invergordon ๐ŸŒธ 647-702-8800 ๐ŸŒธ Please visit for a great erotic massage
  42. FLOWER Spa โ€“ PINK | Scarborough | TORONTO:
    PINK FS โ€“ 3300 McNicoll Ave ๐Ÿ“ž 416-299-5515 / 416-817-3839 ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ท ELINA, ๐Ÿ‡ป๐Ÿ‡ณ KELLY, ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ญ MADY (1PM) ๐Ÿ”Ž View Schedule: bit.ly/flowers_schedule ๐Ÿ›Ž๏ธ Booking Now: bit.ly/bookingpinklove
  43. Jennyโ€™s Spa:
    ๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’JENNYโ€™S SPA๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ’ โœ…5170 DUNDAS STREET WESTโœ… ๐Ÿ‘ŒETOBICOKE ONTARIO M9A 1C4๐Ÿ‘Œ โ˜Ž๏ธ( 647-893-5196)โ˜Ž๏ธCall or Text โ˜Ž๏ธ( 437-888-3759)โ˜Ž๏ธCall Only (ETOBICOKE) OPEN 10am to 9pm MONDAY to SUNDAY ๐Ÿ”ฅโœ…GRAND OPENING๐Ÿ’ฏNEW GIRLS EVERYDAY๐Ÿ”ฅEXCELLENT MASSAGE + SERVICE QUEENS NOW AVAILABLE AT JENNYโ€™S SPA FOR ALL YOUR MASSAGE AND SPECIAL EXTRA NEEDS๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ’ฏ๐Ÿ˜˜๐Ÿ”ฅโค๏ธ๐Ÿ‘Œ ๐Ÿ”ฅTWO BEAUTIFUL NEW YOUNG ASIAN GIRLS EVERYDAY๐Ÿ”ฅ ๐Ÿ’ฏREAL PICTURES OF ATTENDANTS๐Ÿ’ฏ ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ’‹Limited Time Special Promotion๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ’‹ โœ…๐Ÿ’ฆ30 Minutes Nude Mass
  44. DareDevil:
    ARIA WELLNESS ๐Ÿฌ๐ŸญADDRESS: 360 HWY 7, UNIT #6, โ™ฅ๏ธRICHMOND HILL,647-222-5683 (PHONES CALL ONLY, NO TEXT'N AVAILABLE) โ™ฅ๏ธTODAY'S Schedule!โ™ฅ๏ธ Loaded lineup with Beautiful Girls : Yoga Lucy, Killer Kelly, Adorable Eva, Magical Mia and Work out๐Ÿ‹๐Ÿšด๐Ÿ’ช Babe Amy! BUY 10 HOURS (GET 11 HOURS) **TODAY'S PICK OF THE DAY ARE ๐Ÿฌ๐ŸญLUCY AND KELLY๐Ÿฌ๐Ÿญ**
  45. Soul Relax Spa:
    โœจ Looking for a relaxing escape? โœ… Click Here Meet๐ŸŒธNina๐ŸŒธAnna๐ŸŒธAmberCall us today for the best treatment and service experience. Click on our Username and FOLLOW US for updates ! Call now โ˜Ž 289 - 298 - 5662โ˜Ž๏ธ Your ultimate relaxation awaits! โœจ
  46. AliceSpa:
    TUESDAY at ๐—”๐—Ÿ๐—œ๐—–๐—˜ ๐—ฆ๐—ฃ๐—”, 4915 Steeles Ave. E, Scarborough ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿฒ-๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿต๐Ÿด-๐Ÿฌ๐Ÿด๐Ÿต๐Ÿด. 3 Young Beauties Today at Alice Spa. Open 10am to 9pm: CLOUDIA (10am-9pm): is Vietnamese, young, petite 5'2" & 96 Lbs, B Cup, best rim deep bbbj cim. $40 Room Fee + $80 (incl bbbj & fs). +$20 for rim/cim. Excellent open minded services. KITTY (1pm-9pm) is a new Korean girl, super busty, small body, new
  47. wonderspa:
    ๐ŸŒบWonder spa,(9421Jane st unit127)call416-5000-800โ˜Ž๏ธbest massage in vaughan,Tuesday RMT available,๐Ÿ’„sexy very young girl Mimi๏ผŒlong legs ,natural c cup,very good looking amazing massage nice body slide,really popular ๐ŸŽlong hair Lucy Q smile,very good looking ,strong to relax oil ,back walk,more experience,relief your pain,amazing ending๐Ÿ”ฅ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒนmust try
  48. ForeverWarden:
    Tuesday at ๐Ÿซฆโค๏ธ๐Ÿ”ด๐ŸŸฅโ™พ๏ธ๐“•๐“ž๐“ก๐“”๐“ฅ๐“”๐“ก ๐“ข๐“Ÿ๐“โ™พ๏ธ๐ŸŸฅ๐Ÿ”ดโค๏ธ๐Ÿซฆ2190 Warden Ave, Unit 201, Scarborough ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿฒ-๐Ÿด๐Ÿฌ๐Ÿฌ-๐Ÿณ๐Ÿด๐Ÿด๐Ÿณ: Cindy, Tracy & Vivian. Cindy is a slim beauty, 5โ€™4โ€, natural C Cups. Her massage is nice, her services will drive you wild & her finish is a dream come true. Tracy is an incredibly cute & pretty Japanese/Taiwanese mixed spinner, about 5โ€™1โ€ and 100 lbs. She is very popular for her exotic massage & services.
  49. HolidaySpa:
    Tuesday at ๐ŸŒด๐Ÿ˜Ž๐ŸŒ…๐“—๐“ธ๐“ต๐“ฒ๐“ญ๐“ช๐”‚ ๐“ข๐“น๐“ช๐ŸŒ…๐Ÿ˜Ž๐ŸŒด3517 Kennedy Rd, Unit 4, Scarborough โ˜Ž๏ธ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿฏ๐Ÿณ-๐Ÿฎ๐Ÿฐ๐Ÿณ-๐Ÿญ๐Ÿญ๐Ÿต๐Ÿตโ˜Ž๏ธ: EMMA, JENNY & CINDY. EMMA is a very beautiful slim Chinese honey with C Cups, beauty face, & nice services to drive you wild. Jenny has a medium build, nicely curvy with a slim waist, pretty face, and very flexible skills. Jenny will make you very happy. CINDY is slim & incredible
  50. SugarLoveSpa:
    Tuesday at โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’™ ๐Ÿ’œโŽ๐—ฆ๐—จ๐—š๐—”๐—ฅ ๐—Ÿ๐—ข๐—ฉ๐—˜ ๐—ฆ๐—ฃ๐—”โŽ ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’˜: CHRISTINA, JENNY, TIFFANY & VIVI. 1270 Finch Ave W (at Keele St), Unit 18. North York. CHRISTINA is Spanish, C Cups, 5'3", tall & nice curves, very open minded. JENNY is a sweet & young Korean girl with C Cups. Very versatile services. TIFFANY is an amazing slim petite doll with natural 34C melons, slim waist, & a cute little 33โ€ booty.
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